How to help someone with their mental health.

Words by Kelly Müller.

“Show me

the most damaged

parts of your soul,

and I will show you

how it still shines like gold.”

-Nikita Gill

There’s something poignant about being trusted with someone else’s pain. With their turmoil and trauma and troubles. It’s a responsibility sure, but it’s also a privilege and what happens next is what matters the most.

While it is impossible to fully grasp how someone else feels, if a loved one opens up to you about their mental health or illness, perhaps the most important thing to remember is that it’s not your role to know how they feel. It’s not your job to treat or manage them. But it is in you to assist them in seeking help and in their recovery.

It's natural to go into action mode, desperate to find a way to ‘fix’ the situation, but that’s not a support person’s role. Every situation will be different and it might take several attempts to find what works best for your loved one – and for you. It can be extremely frustrating to someone with a logical mind to feel that your support is not heard or that your time is not acknowledged, but this is bigger than you. If someone has trusted you with even a snippet of what they’re feeling, know that it’s probably only the half of it. You can do this.

It's ok if you don’t know where to start so here, we have rounded up a few suggestions of ways to help, as told by those who have shared their stories with Bonny Co.

HOLD THEM CLOSE

“When I am anxious I just need to feel like my feelings are validated. As a lot of my anxiety stems from being hard on myself, it’s important that the people around me reassure me that they don't hate me for it and aren't judging me for it. I like to be held by a loved one.

The worst thing you can do when I'm anxious is push me to speak about it. I tend to shut down and go quiet -which can sometimes make people feel like it's their own fault - but that isn't the case. I don’t want to talk, I just want to be close. Also don't ever ask me what I want to eat when I am depressed or anxious, it will result in a full breakdown!!! Just put some food in front of me and hope for the best” – Tayla Damir

ASK TO DO AN ACTIVITY

“I am personally still learning things on the daily to help me take better care of my mental health. Some of the key parts of my ‘free the funk’ recipe are surfing, exercise, good people, knowing it's ok not to be ok, talking it out and check-ups from the neck up. I think a big thing for me is realising that life is awesome, but fuck it’s really hard sometimes too.

If you can tell just one person how you’re really feeling, that can help a lot - because the worst place to be when you’re struggling with your mental health is stuck inside your own head. Me and my mates have the thing going lately - ‘Win the morning, win the day’. Getting up early and going for a sunrise surf/swim or doing any kind of exercise then grabbing a coffee with mates is a game changer for me. It helps me ‘free the funk’ before I start work and anything that happens that day is a whole lot easier to deal with.

We all have a different version of what works so make sure you do you! Whether it's music, dancing, meditation, yoga, breathing exercises, ice baths, running...whatever helps you feel good, make time for it every day.” – Grant Trebilco

LET THEM TALK

“I’m someone who loves to help others but feel strange about asking for help. I never want to burden someone with my problems. I usually will call my mom and just vent how I feel and that release always helps. Giving myself a platform to just talk tends to balance out the situation.” – Parker Foster

REMOVE THE FACE TO FACE

“Man, depression can show up in so many ways and that makes it confusing and so hard to talk about. I learned that ‘not talking’ allows others to make assumptions for your actions or moods, which can cause further isolation, leading to more negative thought patterns. The only way to break it, is to talk.

I finally opened up to a friend as we shared a run together. I can’t even explain what that meant to me. The simple act of talking to someone else can help you process what is actually going on. I would say to anyone,  the reward of talking will have a huge effect.

One tip: It can be difficult to go for a beer or sit down with someone. It’s confronting. Going for a walk puts you side by side, and can make it easier to start with.” - Craig Parker.

HOLD SPACE FOR THEM

“To anyone who is on the receiving end of these conversations, I would say whatever the person has told you, it might not even be half of it. They might just be testing to see if they can talk to you. If you get a feeling for where the conversation is heading, open yourself right up to it, there is more behind it, and the person telling you needs that warmth and support.

You don’t need to have the answers or even know where to start. Just be there for them and let them know they don’t have to do it alone. Encourage and help normalise counselling.” - Craig Parker.

If someone you know needs immediate help, please call 000 in Australia and 111 in New Zealand.

For 24-hour crisis counselling, support groups and suicide prevention services please contact:

AUSTRALIA

Lifeline - Call 13 11 14, Text 0477 13 11 14 (12pm to midnight AEST) or chat online

Kids Helpline - Australia’s only free 24/7 confidential and private counselling service specifically for children and young people aged 5 – 25. Please call 1800 55 1800

MindSpot - a free telephone and online service for people with anxiety, stress, low mood or depression. It is not an emergency or instant response service but provides online assessment and treatment for anxiety and depression. Call 1800 61 44 34.

NEW ZEALAND

Lifeline - Call 0800 LIFELINE (0800 54 33 54) or the Suicide Crisis Helpline 0508 TAUTOKO (0508 82 88 65).