Parker Foster on the change he hopes to see.

26 year old filmmaker Parker Foster has had what he describes ‘an incredibly blessed life’.

“My parents gave my sister and I such a wonderful upbringing. When I was younger I was under the impression all families were close like ours. I rarely saw my parents argue, we did everything together and whenever a problem came up they were there to fix it. My mom in particular was, and still is, my best friend. She embodies what an incredible human being is and should be. The way she cares for others in such a genuine and authentic way has passed on to me. She is truly the reason why I am the person I am today. When I was lost, she was always my light guiding me back home.”

Growing up Parker says he was always “the weird kid. I didn’t have many friends and I desperately wanted to be popular. I did whatever I could to blend in but it just never worked. When I turned 15, two major things came into my life - I found skateboarding and photography. Skateboarding is unlike any other sport; everyone you meet at the skatepark comes from a different background of life. This allowed me to meet all types of people who I may not have had the chance to meet. Most people who skated were just like me, they didn’t fit in. They had their own individuality and it was a beautiful thing. I felt seen for the first time in my life. 

With photography I loved the idea of capturing a moment in time. I’d scroll through tumblr and constantly be inspired by everything I was seeing. I was also the only one at my school who was into photography and filmmaking and because of that, was constantly ridiculed for it. Everyone thought I was a loser for being into something other than football and partying. It felt so freeing though, having an interest no one else was into as a young teen. I was slowly becoming someone who didn’t want to be popular. I just wanted to feel like my own self. That was the beginning of my life as a creative.”

Most recently, Parker put that unique creativity to good use - creating a short film dedicated to suicide awareness. A piece many told him was too ‘bold’ but something he believed in enough to do it anyway. Here, Parker talks to us about ‘Be Here Now’, what inspired it and what change he hopes to see in the mental health space.

BC: You released a short film at the end of 2021, a suicide awareness PSA, what compelled you to make this?

PF: From 2017-2021 I was dealing with a range of mental health episodes. It would go from panic attacks, to anxiety filled nights or just feeling so low I didn’t wanna get out of bed. I remember talking to my mom a few years ago about this on a walk and she told me to just “turn it off, don’t think about it”. 

“It made me realise that people who don’t experience these thoughts and feelings just don’t understand how the brain handles all of these feelings.”

It wasn’t bad advice, she was just fortunate enough to not have to deal with those mental problems in her life. 

I would watch mental health awareness commercials and they would always end in either a happy ending or show that this person was ‘cured’ of whatever it was they were experiencing. I never thought of depression or anxiety as something that just goes away, how can it? I feel as if it's a part of your life and you just have to learn to cope with it. If there was a magic pill we could take that would erase it, I think we’d all be in line for it. I never saw a commercial that just showed how someone truly feels in the moment without it having to end on a positive note. I wanted to make something visceral that someone could watch and feel seen. To show it’s okay to not be okay. Oddly enough a lot of suicide awareness organisations I reached out to for funding thought the concept was triggering and harmful for others to watch. For me, I felt the opposite. I think showing someone a happy ending or finding the ‘answer’ made a lot of depressed people feel even more isolated. 

BC: What do you wish more people knew or understood about mental illness?

PF: We, as people, are quick to judge. We are programmed to instantly cast judgment or criticism on something we don’t understand. Over the past years it seems as if depression and anxiety has become normalised but suicide is still a bit taboo. It’s so common to hear someone who killed themselves labelled as selfish - I find it to be the exact opposite. That person went through every reason they could to keep themselves from dying and they couldn’t find a reason to stay.

To prepare for my suicide awareness film I watched a handful of suicide victims filming a video before they died and almost all of them spend the entire video apologising to the family and friends they are leaving behind. It’s so clear that these are selfless acts just for these people to find peace. I wish the world would start seeing it that way.

BC: What do you do to help manage your mental health illness - both daily and at its worst?

PF: For me, creating is my outlet. It’s my oxygen. I’ve had an incredible therapist the past year or so and she’s been so helpful in helping me identify ways to deal with my mental health. Being creative gives me an outlet to release how I feel. If I didn’t have that I don’t know where I’d be today.

I also try to connect with others and talk about my feelings or just take long walks around the city and get lost. Getting conversation or movement going always helps clear my head. If it’s a really bad day and I just can’t handle it I usually will lay in bed and just cry. Thankfully those days have become less and less but I allow myself to take a day off and soak in the feelings if I need it. 

BC: How do you like to be helped?

PF: I’m someone who loves to help others but feel strange about asking for help. I never want to burden someone with my problems. I usually will call my mom and just vent how I feel and that release always helps. Giving myself a platform to just talk tends to balance out the situation. 

BC: What change do you want to see in the mental health space?

PF: The two issues that came to my mind when I read this were 1. The cost and 2. The stigma. 

Everyone needs someone to talk to but most can’t afford to pay someone $200 a week for help. We need to find ways to allow others to get the help they need without putting them in a financial burden.

“As far as the stigma goes most people, like myself, thought therapy was only for those who are on the edge and need help immediately. This just isn’t true.”

PF: We all need someone there for us and it shouldn’t feel embarrassing to admit that. Fortunately this has changed a lot and it’s more accepting to talk about therapy but it still feels like people are a bit too prideful to admit they need help to avoid looking ‘weak’.

BC: What does happiness mean to you?

PF: Happiness to me is being fulfilled by your life, simple as that. Find something to do that fulfills you and friends who inspire you.

Interview by Bonny Co. | Images supplied | Connect @nzslausiv