How to quieten the mind with ways other than meditation.
Words by Kelly Müller.
One recommendation I hear often when admitting a feeling of overwhelm is that I “should meditate”. The well-meaning advice is not wrong but it’s also not right for me. I have tried, many times, and while I understand and appreciate that it takes practice, is life-changing for a lot people and that the benefits are endless, I also believe that something that’s meant to alleviate stress, shouldn’t be making me feel more stressed.
So over the years, I have embarked on alternative ways to sit in stillness and to connect with myself. As a mother, a business owner, a wife, a friend, a school mum, a daughter and an empath by nature, my days are very full. My brain is constantly thinking about the next task, deadline, meal plan, grocery shop, after school activities, play dates, dinners, client meetings and events, end of month invoicing and so much more.
But I’ve learned that it’s not productive to be productive 24/7 and I’ve had to learn what my version of rest looks like.
At some point, and for me it was once grief also became a part of my daily life, the wheels simply stop turning. My psychologist asked me what I did for ‘rest’ and I think I laughed. Rest? Was she kidding?
On reflection however, what this made me realise, was that I didn’t allow myself even a minute of time where it was just for me. Someone else always needed something that was more important – and I slowly came to understand that this needed to change.
Instead of trying to force one thing on me, my psychologist suggested several things and asked that I simply give them a try. And in the interest of inspiring you to do the same, here are a few different ways that I’ve found help to quieten my mind, ways which have helped me to find a way back to myself.
READING A BOOK
For some people, devouring a book means pouring over every word, every page and really taking in every character. For me, reading is an escapism. I am a skim reader and can only truly recount a book if it’s especially significant or impactful (Auē by Becky Manawatu, A Little Life by Hanya Yanagihara, Sorrow and Bliss by Meg Mason, The Nightingale by Kristin Hannah and Boy Swallows Universe by Trent Dalton to name a few). When I started reading again, actual physical books and not on my phone, I would simply tell my family I would be reading for 10 minutes and anything they needed could happen after that point. I’m getting better at choosing a book over an endless scroll at night now too and this simple act allows me to refrain from emails or texts, calls or DMs so I can just sit in stillness, simply and quietly.
MAKING A MEAL
My husband would laugh at this as he’s the head chef in our house and cooks most nights but on the very odd occasion that I am home alone, I love to play my favourite music, pour a glass of wine and, as long as I have a plan (as I’m not good at just ‘throwing something together’), make a meal for our family to enjoy.
EXERCISING
A friend of mine described exercise as ‘moving meditation’, she told me that at least 20 minutes every day had been her way of taking time out for herself and I could relate. I’ve just started training at BFT Ballina and like that I have to book into the classes. It makes me accountable and it helps me to form a routine. Exercise is a time where I can’t be distracted, where I can’t receive calls or emails, where I am uncontactable and that in itself is the ultimate luxury.
RUNNING
When Michele died, I hadn’t run in about six or seven years, maybe longer. But a group of us decided to train for the Gold Coast Marathon (full, half and 10km respectively) and once I started, it became such a release for me. My personal preference is to run at sunrise, solo, with the music up LOUD for about 30 minutes. The world goes quiet, I am with my thoughts and my thoughts alone and often, it’s a time I talk and connect with my beautiful friend who I miss so so much.
SWIMMING IN THE OCEAN
It doesn’t matter if it’s with a group of people, my kids or on my own, for the minutes I am under the waves, submerged by something that is so much bigger than me, I find that I can truly come back to myself. The ocean feels like home to me. My mind is clearer, my body less heavy and the end result I imagine, the same sublime feeling that meditation brings to many.
WRITING LETTERS
My version of journalling includes writing letters to my eldest daughter Sunny and to my forever friend Michele. Both serve me differently. Letters to Michele are a stream of conscious and subconscious thoughts – they flow freely and help my mind to feel less crowded. Letters to my daughter happen when the mood strikes and they range from things we’ve been doing to things I am proud of, things I have learned and hopes I have for her.
My reason for sharing these suggestions is not to tell you that meditation doesn’t work, nor to tell you that these acts do – it’s simply to serve as a reminder that we are all entirely individual and to provide a personal perspective, sharing what works for me. I hope you can all grant yourself the grace to find what works for you.