Ben Parry talks running, miscarriage and redundancy.

Born and raised a “farm kid” in South Taranaki, New Zealand for the early years of his life, Ben Parry later moved to Oakura Beach which he says was a defining moment in life.

“My dad was a livestock agent and my mum worked in various forms of education. They split up when I was eight and we moved to the beach, an hour away from my dad.  I had always been into team sport, playing rugby and basketball but moving to the beach was where I got hooked on skating, which led to surfing and then onto snowboarding.

I used to hang around the local surf store way too much as a kid, but they sort of took me under their wing and would take me on snowboarding and surf trips. It was through the connections from this store that I met some of my best mates and had some amazing early teen experiences.”

An active lifestyle has continued to serve Ben well, with running, surfing and other sports such as touch rugby helping him through some of the toughest moments of his life. A career change, an unexpected redundancy, starting a business and losing a baby sadly all happened to Ben within a short space of time and here, he tells us how he made it through, what drives him and how his running community has positively impacted his life. 

BC: You’re an enthusiastic advocate for running and how this can positively impact your mental health. When and how did this become such a passion for you?

BP: I’ve dabbled in running throughout my life and my dad was a runner as far back as I can remember. After he split with my mum, he seemed to take it to the next level and started running half and full marathons. I remember going to a bunch of different events and running across the finish line with him. Looking back, I didn't get it at the time but I guess he was using running to navigate his way through a really tough time.

In 2014 at the ripe age of 24, I decided to run my first half marathon. After that it was probably a few years of inconsistency and then I broke a bone in my foot playing touch. This was a really heavy time! I was in my mid-twenties and thrown into a moon boot for six weeks. It probably took about 4-5 months for me to get back to running and surfing and  I got pretty down over this time. All I wanted to do was run, surf, play touch - basically anything!

During this time we got a puppy and we opted for the Mo Farah of dogs; a German shorthaired pointer called Pippi. She is a high energy dog and needs to be run everyday so this really brought some consistency into my running. It was the best thing ever, I had a training buddy that wanted to go running all the time!

Once I was back running regularly I realised how much I loved it! Before I knew it, I was signing up to regular events, getting fitter than I'd ever been and meeting some amazing people because of  it.

“There are so many benefits that come from running - physically and equally mentally. I love the process of building fitness, the accountability to getting fitter and faster, the clarity it provides and the places you get to run.” 

I'm all for just getting out the door and running, solo or with buddies, but I especially enjoy racing. All the training that goes into one day. You have no one to prove anything to but yourself and your result is solely based on the effort that you put in. I find events really special as it's such a collective of all different kinds of people trying to get across the finish line. All there for their own reasons. 

BC: You founded a running community called Public Runners. When did the idea become an ‘actual thing’ and what benefits do you think this has brought to your life and to others?

Public came about in early 2020, it was originally called Twenty Twenty Run Club but earlier this year I decided to throw a rebrand at it as let's face it, no one had a good year in 2020 and I didn't want anything negative to be associated with the community. 

I wanted to create a community of like minded individuals who weren't elite runners but were keen to show up, put in the work, meet some new friends and build a community of runners who would help support each other to reach their goals. I'm so happy I started it! I've now got a bunch of new friends and connected others through the platform. I think everyone wants to feel a part of something and I think Public does this; Public is a passion project for me. It's a free run club, no subscriptions or membership fees. You just have to turn up with a smile and leave your ego at the door. It's a no flex zone. I've been lucky enough to help pace some of our members to run 100km and marathon events and helping get them across the line is a really cool feeling.

BC: In the last couple of years, you left a long term role to start your own business. What drove this decision and what challenges did you face?

BP: Yeah, it’s been a crazy few years. I had what I called a ‘dream job’. I was the creative director for a New Zealand lifestyle apparel brand and it really was awesome. I spent 11 years building that brand. Towards the end, a few things changed, and some of the company and personal values just didn't align with mine anymore - stuff I'd probably turned a blind eye to in my earlier years. Throw in a global pandemic where all business owners were trying to navigate their way through the unknown and I just decided that it was time for me to do something different.

I actually left to go to another job, a company where I thought I could add some real value. Unfortunately, completely out of the blue, after four months I was made redundant. This hit hard. My reputation is super important to me and even though I did absolutely nothing wrong, I felt ashamed to have been made redundant. I found myself not wanting to go out in public or talk to anyone in fear of them asking how my new role was going. I was on a generous salary in this role and that was to end in six weeks from notice. I was freaking out about how I was going to pay my mortgage and bills that come with running a household. This sparked a massive flame inside me though and I decided to start my own business doing what I love - helping build great brands through design and content. Starting a business is a pretty daunting task but when you break it down it's pretty straightforward - one step at a time.

I had a couple of clients I was fortunate to already have. I was working on projects for them on the side while in my previous role but this was just a drop in the bucket to where I needed to be financially. I put the feelers out to my network and met up with potential clients for a lot of coffee! I've always been a bit of a networker and it really paid off while trying to run up some business - having a background in sales helped a bunch here. It took a little while to get a few things across the line but within a month I was finding myself getting pretty busy. It’s pretty scary not having that steady pay cheque coming in each week but the way I look at it now, job security means nothing after being made redundant.

Running Untitled Studio keeps me accountable each week, I have to constantly hustle. I've never worked this hard in my life, but I love putting the hours in and getting the rewards that come with it. My weeks are so busy - not only with the hours I'm charging out but the time that goes into running a business and building your own brand. I'm super grateful to have my client base and  really enjoy working across multiple brands and businesses.

BC: During this time, you and your fiance also experienced a miscarriage. I’m so sorry. How did this impact your mental and emotional wellbeing?

BP: After trying to get pregnant for close to a year, my fiance Tyla fell pregnant. We were so happy and couldn't keep it a secret for very long. Unfortunately at 6 ½ weeks Tyla miscarried. It’s the absolute worst thing to go through. It was really tough on both of us but the toll it took on Tyla was really full on - obviously what her body went through but more so the mental aspect. We went from the highest of highs to the lowest of lows. As a guy, you are grieving but I don’t think I'll ever understand how rough it was on Tyla. Ty had to spend a night in hospital and then a week off work to recover. I threw on a brave face and did my best to support her through this. Both of us don't regret telling a few people about being pregnant as it meant we had some support after we lost our baby. We’re lucky to have amazing friends and family in our corner.

The week this happened was really full work wise, I had some deadlines that got thrown at me last minute and I had clients chasing me for work. They had no idea what I was going through and there were moments where it all got a bit much. Keeping busy was good to keep my mind off things and when I would slow down, I would find myself quite emotional and overwhelmed. I ran a lot to clear my head and to try to process what had actually happened. Keeping busy was key for me, but it was important to slow down and deal with the grief at the same time. 

BC: How do you think a partner can best support their loved one through baby loss? 

BP: I think you just need to be there for each other; going through a loss is pretty testing on a relationship.

“There were days where Tyla was so upset and there was nothing I could do about it. I just tried to keep a level head, keep the household running and make sure there was nothing I was doing to upset her even more.”

Tyla is a champion though and I'm so proud of how she coped with things. She was constantly checking in to see how I was doing and making sure I was ok despite what she was feeling herself. Even though this was such a tough time going through our loss, it actually strengthened our relationship. I think it was knowing that we have each other's backs when it counts. I have so much respect for Tyla and she is going to be the best mum one day. 

BC: Tell us about your community. How have the people in your life influenced you?

BP: I think it's super important to surround yourself with like minded people who have similar values to you. In the last few years, as I move into my thirties, I've learned that you really need to put effort into these relationships. I've learned that it's not about having a million friends but it's about having a tight group of buddies around you that you can lean into when you need them and vice versa. I've got some great mates who I know would do anything for me, but also Tyla too.

BC: What does happiness mean to you?

Happiness for me is getting out of bed everyday excited to take on the day ahead. Being healthy and able to move. Living in an environment where we can get outside and get some fresh air, go surfing, running and spend time in the mountains is key for me. Having good relationships with Tyla, our families, friends and also business. I try to go through life just trying to treat people well and make the most out of every single day.

Interview by Bonny Co. | Images Cam Neate | Connect @benparry @publicrunners