Georgie Karloci on anxiety, depression and never giving up.
Georgie Karloci is one of those people that makes you feel anything is possible. She’s passionate, kind, knowledgeable and incredibly generous. She says she was “perfectly parented for the type of kid I was. Believing I was absolutely equal to my brother, that we both had total control over the decisions we made for our future and we were taught and shown that we could be whatever and whoever we wanted to be. We were told we were smart, to try everything, to stick at something, to be resilient but also to know when it’s time to move on and try something else.”
She grew up in North West New South Wales where “we had the best of both worlds - farm life, wide open spaces, horses, motorbikes, fresh air and we also came to the big smoke (Sydney) a lot too.”
Despite a stable upbringing with a capable and loving father and a hard-working and devoted mother, Georgie has also experienced debilitating anxiety throughout her lifetime.
“I was smart, I had lots of friends, I was good at sport - I had everything. And with all of that said I also suffered from severe and undiagnosed, and very well hidden to the outside world, anxiety.”
The founder of hugely successful wedding and events company, After the Rock, Georgie is an advocate for mental health - within her business, her friendship group and within herself. Here, she speaks to us about her personal experiences with mental illness - as someone suffering and someone supporting - and very generously shares ways we can all help to do better.
BC: You own and run a very successful, very public events company, After the Rock. Outside of the Instagram feed and the media acclaim, what are some things people wouldn’t know about you?
GK: Many won’t know that I had a business before After the Rock. I co-founded Belle-Laide Events when I was just 21. I left eight years ago due to debilitating anxiety - I put on 10kg and a huge percentage of my hair fell out. I would wake up every morning gasping for air, after terrible, stressful dreams. I would wake multiple times in the night to check my emails and would then start the day off about four hours sleep. I would spend all day trying to work, manage the team, attend meetings and then have to work all night making up all the time that my head wouldn’t work. From the outside, I had it all going on. I had my own business, we were winning awards, I always had a new fab outfit (my anxiety also showed up in the form of a shopping addiction) and I was also keeping up with my friends and partying every weekend.
I was very young when I started that business; I thought the stress I was feeling was totally normal. I didn’t know anyone else my age that had their own business and all my friends were either still studying or starting out in their careers. Lucky for me, I started therapy and came to learn that I suffered from anxiety. Yes - what I was doing was incredibly stressful but my reaction to it all was caused by my anxiety.
BC: Having personally experienced anxiety, and as the best friend of someone with depression, what have you learned about mental health and mental illness?
GK: Because I have anxiety and have suffered for a long time, I have things that ‘work’ for me. Exercise, meditation, hydration, kinesiology, therapy, eating well, breathing exercises. I do those things and I’m good. I’m not medicated, only because I’m very lucky to have found what works for me and I practice them constantly. It can be exhausting to feel those ‘symptoms’ coming on of anxiety and to know how much work I have to do to make myself feel better - but I am also incredibly grateful that those things do work for me so the benefits outweigh the alternative.
As for my friend, I am always learning how to be better.
There have been times where I’ve felt frustrated, that there is no improvement and I feel like I’m hearing the same stories over and over again. I kept trying and giving unhelpful advice but I just didn’t understand.
“I’ve come to realise, I will never truly understand and I can’t fix someone else, but I stand. I stand with her, I stand next to her and I will always be there.”
Even with everything I have learned about depression, I still pray that one day I’ll say that ONE thing that will cure it. That will take away her pain. For years I really thought if she just got up earlier and got more sun, maybe if she got a better job, maybe if she just thought happy thoughts, maybe all the things that work for me would work if she just kept trying… but it’s not the same, her brain isn’t the same as mine. I understand that now - but there is still that little voice that thinks of something, hears something and thinks ‘aha’ I’ve got it!!
I have learned so much and now, will never tire of hearing the stories that she is telling herself. I cherish every minute. I am grateful she chooses me to confide in and that I make her feel comfortable to do so. She is on my mind all the time. She is anyway because I love her - she is so incredibly smart, funny, empathetic, has such incredible emotional intelligence, she’s so beautiful.
Because of her, I have learned (while making many many mistakes along the way) that:
Depression is not feeling sad. Don’t try to match your sad stories with theirs. It’s not the same thing.
Don’t joke with comments like ‘I’m so depressed’ or ‘oh my god I’m so OCD about it...’. They are not words or phrases to throw around.
Trying to understand is important. I know when I listen to podcasts about my friend’s condition, read books about it, listen - she is so touched. They want to be understood. Or they want you to at least try and understand.
I don’t think I do anything perfectly or right. But I try. All the time. Please try. And please try to understand . And if you don’t understand - try again. And then ask them or learn how to do better with your words.
BC: What do you wish more people knew about mental health and mental illness?
GK: I feel it is our responsibility as a community to learn how to appropriately support people who experience depression. We all know that if someone is in a wheelchair trying to get up a flight of stairs, we go and ask them if they need help, we go and look for a ramp or we go into the venue and ask someone to assist. We would try many different things to help them. Why don’t we try more with people who experience depression? People might try once or twice or many times but then just give up because they can’t or don’t try to understand and empathise. If you started a diet today and ate a salad, would you expect results tomorrow? So why do we expect one angle and one conversation to help ‘cure’ someone. Or if they are not fixed after a few attempts, why are they considered broken? I feel it is everyone’s responsibility to learn and try harder - we don’t ask our children when they’re sick to help themselves - we help them. We need to do this more with adults.
I go over conversations I’ve had with my friend after the fact, I try to think of anything I could have said that might not have landed properly and I try only to call her when I have a large space of time to talk. I educate myself, I try to educate others, I try to tell my friend as much as I can what I love about her, I listen and read to as many things as I can about her condition, I also share where I’m at with my anxiety, I tell her things that help me, I share with her my good and bad days.
I’ve learned, and would like other people to know, that drugs aren’t a simple cure to depression. I feel like those who don’t experience it think that once you’re medicated, you’ll be fine. You will often hear of people with depression trying drug after drug, therapy after therapy. Some medication will keep the emotions mellow, but kill their sex drive. Maybe make them feel numb - no highs, no lows, just one long day and night feeling numb. Some fuck with their sleep. Some make them want to sleep all day. Yes, some people find a drug that suits them but they are the very lucky (and rare) ones.
“It would be so tiring to keep trying. To spend all that money on their mental health. They are brave. They are strong. They are often the hardest working people and as a society, we need to be more mindful, more aware, more empathetic of this long, exhausting illness.
BC: What kind of role has therapy played in your life?
GK: Therapy changed my life. I have the privilege to go to therapy once a week. My anxiety these days is incredibly manageable because I have the tools to manage it. If I go to therapy, meditate, eat well, exercise, am hydrated, manage my days to not overload and overwhelm and take my supplements - yes… all of those things - I have very good days.
BC: What does happiness mean to you?
GK: Happiness is having choices. Waking up, having the luxury to choose how I’m approaching my day, how I get to experience every moment. Happiness is choice.
Interview by Bonny Co. | Images Tane Coffin | Connect @aftertherockweddings