Natalie Gébert on making brave choices.

Natalie Gébert is a designer, creative, and soon to be mother. She’s a sister, a daughter and a partner. In 2021, she reluctantly chose to undergo a prophylactic double mastectomy to reduce her risks of genetic breast cancer to ensure the best chance of a long, happy, healthy life.

Here, Natalie shares more about her brave experience as well as what she’s learned of grief and how she knows her beloved sister Rachelle is with her always. 

KM: Hi Natalie, thank you for being here. Can you share a little bit about yourself, your family and your childhood?

NG: Hi Kelly.

My name is Natalie. I am a creative, Gemini and I’ve been in the fashion industry for 15 years. I grew up in Melbourne in a multicultural family, along with my 3 siblings. Growing up, our family was passionate, with numerous personalities and opinions but very close-knit. I love my family for their honesty and unconditional support.

I studied in Sweden and travelled the world in my 20s. My plan was to pit-stop in Sydney before dashing off to France to live there for the rest of my life, but somewhere in the middle I met a special person that had an eminent impression on me, and six years later we created a home together and will soon be welcoming our first baby.

KM: What aspects have contributed to the person you are today?

NG: As a kid, whatever my sisters were doing I was right behind them, giving it a go too. I think it was here that I grew up with a type of confidence to explore and try everything I was interested in. I also had a nurturing side looking after my younger brother. I don’t know if it was because I was the third child, but I grew up with a type of resilience too. While my mother and father worked full time, and my sisters were going to university, I was left to grow up quite independently.

With that sense of independence, it helped me back-pack around Europe when I was 18, later study and live in Sweden & then set up a life and a home in Sydney.

KM: You bravely underwent a prophylactic double mastectomy at the age of 32 and shortly after, sadly lost your sister to breast cancer. Talk us through those momentous moments.

NG: It takes my breath away to read your question. It still doesn’t feel like my oldest sister Rachelle has left us, so it catches me by surprise. I reach for my phone to tell her things, but I must stop myself. It happens quite a lot.

Both my sisters and I carry the breast cancer gene (BRCA 2) that we inherited from our father. This faulty gene increases our risk of breast cancer by approx. 80% of the general population. Our risk of ovarian cancer increases too.

When Rachelle found out she carried the gene, little did we know, cancer had already started growing in her breast and it was metastatic. It had grown into her bones. She didn’t have the chance to prevent or undertake a prophylactic double mastectomy.

I broke down when she told the family she only had six months to live, crying, asking her, ‘how am I going to live without you?’ I said to her, ‘you’re not going to see me get married or see me have kids’, and she said ‘I don’t care about any of that stuff. You and Dan are basically married anyway. All I want is to see you have the surgery and have a chance at life.’ It was at this moment she gave me the strength to proceed with the surgery I so reluctantly wanted to do. My friends and family rallied behind me and in March 2021, I went into surgery.

“All my breast tissue was removed, decreasing my chance of developing breast cancer from 80% to approx. 5%. Five weeks later, Rachelle passed away at the age of 41, with her two sons, her husband, her family and friends by her side.

It was painful. I remember just yelling out her name and collapsing in my partner's arms.

KM: When I lost my best friend, grief affected my day-to-day and became a bit of a wake-up call for taking better care of my own mental health. Did you experience anything similar?

NG: I’m sorry about your best friend. I wish I had a chance to meet her. 

I understand how hard it is to seek help for mental health. I find with close friends the hardest part is the first two steps. One, acknowledging it’s not just a rut, and two, making that phone call to your GP to get a referral to see a counsellor or a psychologist. From experience, prioritising your mental health can help hold on to hope, so you can discover how life can still have purpose and possibility.

At one point in my life, within months of each other my grandma, whom I was close to, passed away and a friend committed suicide. The grief took over me.I couldn’t eat and I was hurting, but I was too drained to help myself. 

I was away from my family. They didn't know I was struggling and I hid it from friends. I had to drag myself to work. I was lucky to have an amazing HR manager, Helen, who saw I was struggling. She took charge, bought me a week’s worth of food to make sure I was eating and organised 10 free sessions to see a psychologist through the company. 

When you are struggling, it’s difficult to do anything, let alone help yourself. I think if we had a system where the process was easier like my experience with Helen, it would have an impact on improving mental health.

KM: What is one thing you wish more people knew about grief? How do you like to be helped?

NG: There are so many different types of grief and many multi facets that come along with them. The sorrow, the anger, the guilt, is never delivered in order. It likes to hide in the dark and grip you when you least expect it. Sometimes it can be blatantly obvious and other times, it can be like an invisible cloak. Grief isn’t just associated with death, it can be anything that is taken away from you. 

For instance, I didn’t know you could go through grief for someone while they are still alive. When my sister was diagnosed with terminal breast cancer, I fell into depression. I was angry, I was lost, and I felt this emptiness in my chest. Our whole lives turn upside down. Our family changed and so did my sister. There was this constant invisible black cloud hanging over our heads. It wasn’t until I saw a cancer psychologist who told me I was grieving for my sister while she was still here. After finding that out, I could finally come to terms with Rachelle’s diagnosis.

When I found out I carried the same breast cancer gene as my sister and potentially will have to have a prophylactic double mastectomy, I had to grieve that I wasn’t ever going to breastfeed. They remove all breast tissue to decrease the chance of developing cancer, which means you can’t produce milk. At the time, I felt like I was going to be less of a mother because I wouldn’t be able to breastfeed. People would say, “Well, it’s better than breast cancer” or “A lot of mothers can’t breastfeed even when they have breasts.” I get that, but it was still something taken away from me and I had to mourn. For me, I wished people just sat with my pain instead of trying to make me feel better. But that’s ok, I understand people are just trying to help.

With the help of a cancer psychologist and a kinesiologist, I was able to work through my grief and I found myself able to talk about grief openly. For me, I didn’t want grief to be a taboo subject, because when I speak about Rachelle it brings her back to me like she is still here.

A dear friend said to me, “...with time, the pain will get lighter and you will feel your sister all around you”. It’s still my mantra to this day.

KM: You were a guest speaker at a recent Pink Hope event, what do you hope people will think and feel when they hear your story?

NG: When people hear my family’s story, I hope it provides them the courage to act, speak up and put themselves first. It’s a scary and confronting journey. It took me so much time to come to terms with it, and that’s ok. After seeking help from a psychologist, eating well pre & post-surgery and going through the surgery, it gave me the confidence to always put myself and others first when it comes to health. Always! Mentally and physically. It doesn’t matter how much work you have on, or if you feel like you’re letting someone down, it does not matter. What matters is that you have a chance at life.

KM: This year will see you welcome your first baby, how are you feeling in the lead-up to its arrival?

NG:I am feeling so ecstatic. I can’t wait to fall in love and have a little buddy to be excited about life just as much as their mummy and daddy are.

At first, I was scared and sad that Rachelle was not going to be there. She was my anchor. One night I dreamt I was in labour and Rachelle was there with me. Things weren’t going to plan and Rachelle was running around gathering all the doctors to help me. It sounds like a traumatic dream, but I woke up relieved because from then on, I knew Rachelle would be there for me and that I’ve got this. I will be ok.

KM:  What do you hope to teach your child about love and life?

NG: I wish I could say something profound and poetic, but what always comes to the forefront of my mind is to teach all my kids to laugh, have fun and be kind. To know that even at the worst of times, big or small, something will be learnt and it will just make you grow into a stronger person. 

Interview by Kelly Müller. | Images: Supplied by Natalie Gébert | Connect @natalie___gg