Jordan Kahu talks resilience and finding his true self.

Jordan Kahu grew up in Lower Hutt, Wellington, NZ with his mum, dad and older brother Jared. Always keen to do as his brother did, he followed in Jared’s footsteps and started playing sport as soon as he could - for Jordan, that was rugby at the ripe age of three. That determined spirit has led him through a successful and inspiring professional sports career, building a family and now, building his own content business Chur Media.

“Sport ruled my whole childhood, I played as much as I could in whatever season it was, but like any kid in Wellington at that time, being an All Black was the dream.”

“I worked my butt off training before and after school, chasing my dream, and any decision I made in life was a step towards where I wanted to be.”

Jordan describes himself as ‘an independent kid who didn’t mind doing his own thing’, and from a young age, understood that things happen if you work hard, are respectful and are kind to others.

“I moved to Australia when I was still a teenager to chase a professional sports career. I was lucky that my brother and Dad had moved over too but Dad was always working and Jared was training, working or out partying with his mates so I found myself alone and super lonely at times.

I just made the most of this time and would go to the footy fields and train by myself. I knew what I wanted to achieve and I also love proving people wrong. After I made the decision to move to Australia, there was no way I was returning to New Zealand without doing what I said I was going to do.”

Recognised as one of the best schoolboy rugby league players in Australia and with his eyes on the NRL, Jordan was injured and underwent back to back ACL reconstructions in 2011 and 2012. The disappointment of not being able to play for two years played heavily on Jordan but he persisted, and debuted at 22 years old.

Here, Jordan talks to us about resilience, independence, finding his true self and what he hopes for his children.

BC: You were a professional rugby league player for many years and publicly experienced highs and lows that come with being an athlete. What were some of the biggest challenges throughout that period of your life?

JK: The biggest challenges in the beginning were figuring out who I was. I struggled trying to make my teammates happy by partying and going out a lot just so I could be comfortable in the changing room. I don't think it’s only league that this applies to - a lot of working industries for males seem to be like this. You try to fit in to what you think your peers will like rather than just being yourself.

For coaches, turning up to training and meetings on time was a non negotiable but on the flipside, turning up to parties and drinking with the boys was the expectation from your teammates. There were only a few players I met who didn't drink but it wasn't until 2015 when I met Adam Blair, who never drinks during the season, that I changed my thinking around that scene. Here was a player who had represented NZ, won premierships and played 200+ NRL games at the time; wasn't turning up to the party scene but had more respect than any other teammates I’ve played with because he turned up on the field. That was a bit of a pivotal moment for me and I do think a lot has changed in the past few years in the sense of professionalism. 

Another challenge, which still sits with figuring out who I was, was that I didn’t venture into the creative avenues I work in today because I was always worried about what the boys would say. Personal brand outside of rugby league has taken a huge leap thanks to players who are now super present on the social media scene but this has only happened recently and it was difficult to be and do both at the time.

BC: You officially retired from rugby league this year and have been actively promoting and building your business Chur Media. What has this change meant for you?

JK: Not playing league was something that had been coming for a while - something I’d been planning for a while. The downside to that plan was that I was to transfer to a Pro Rugby team and when that didn’t happen, I realised I needed to start pushing my content and creativity hard. I needed a career. I was super lucky to have formed good relationships over the years so I was able to link up with a number of businesses who have consistently booked me since I finished up playing league in November last year. 

I think one of the biggest challenges when you retire, which all pro sports people would say, is learning another routine. Many athletes are straight from school into their profession, so for me it had been 25 years of being told where to be, what to wear, what time to be there and how to perform or behave. Now it was all up to me! 

The best thing about having that experience for 25 years is that there are so many traits - as long as I am mentally aware of them -  that relate to my business such as resilience, communication, professionalism, consistency and good old hard work.

BC: How did the injuries affect your emotional and mental wellbeing?

JK: I had struggled a lot with injuries throughout my career and while they’re one of the hardest parts of being an athlete, they give you so much strength when you overcome them. But when they pop up consistently - despite doing all you can diet wise, recovery and training wise - they are very hard to deal with.

“There were many times I sat in my car and cried, and asked ‘why me’ before I drove home with a smile on my face for Jess and our kids.”

Luckily when you get injured in the NRL, you’re still paid your salary so there wasn’t the stress of worrying about caring for my family. However, the recovery, the fact that you’re not playing and whether you’re coming off contract on an injury can all affect future salaries and offers which is when it starts to get stressful and worrying. 

For me, it was such a hard feeling seeing others debut before me who I knew I was ahead of -  I had worked so hard. Trying to be happy for them, at the same time wishing it was me, was a weird thing to go through. I don't know if it was pressure I was putting on myself or just that I am stubborn, but it was tough.

Looking back I feel as though I definitely didn’t speak up enough. I would always play it down and say I would get through it to stop the conversation with whoever I was talking to. The more and more injuries I had, the longer I would sit in the car crying. No one knows this. Jess doesn’t even know but I think she knew how much each injury hurt me mentally. 

At home, I would often internally think about how I could make everything better. I never wanted to let my mood affect anyone else's day so I would just try and process everything that had gone on myself.

BC: That’s a lot to carry - as an athlete, a partner, a dad to three young kids and as a human being. What do you do to take care of yourself?

JK: I am a big believer in alone time. As much as I love spending time with Jess and my kids, I need my ‘me time’. For me to be the best partner to Jess and the best dad to the kids I need time to reflect on who I am and I feel like this can only be done when you are alone.

BC: Both yourself and Jess share so generously and authentically across social media - you share about growth, your relationship and mindfulness - what’s something that people wouldn’t know about your personal journeys?

JK: Jess and I were ‘that’ couple at every party, we would drink a lot and make it awkward for everyone. It had a lot to do with me trying to impress the wrong people - Jess put up with a lot at the beginning of our relationship and I am so lucky she stuck by my side. 

We moved to Brisbane in 2013 and it was the best thing we could have done for each other. It was the first time we lived together, just the two of us, and moving away from the Gold Coast where we had been living meant I also left friends who I would party with a lot. I think from this point on, I didn't want to leave Jess at home alone anymore and was finally mature enough to say no to going to parties or out clubbing. I didn’t have to prove myself. We’ve come a long way.

BC: Reflecting on your life so far, what have been the greatest lessons you’ve learned?

“I think holding in who you really are will only turn you into someone you never wanted to be.”

JK: Holding ourselves back from tough conversations will always lead to tougher situations. Patience is definitely a virtue and your circle only needs to be small for you to be happy. 

BC: What do you hope to teach your children about love and life?

JK: To be kind to anyone and everyone including this planet we are so lucky to live on! Never give up, always talk about your emotions and BE YOURSELF,  ALWAYS.

Interview by Bonny Co. | Images @carlo.obrien | Connect @jordan.kahu