Meg Gallagher on her sense of self and losing Sloane.

For Sydney-based artist and designer Meg Gallagher, the desire to work in the creative field was first inspired by a childhood of wearing secondhand clothing: “We weren’t poor by any means but being one of four kids meant wearing hand me down clothes passed through the community was the obvious option. I remember being so embarrassed when I turned up at school wearing a hoodie that used to belong to the boy I was ‘crushing on’. I was so self conscious, I just wanted to fit in, so to me, being mainstream was actually the dream”.

That ambition, or as Meg explains: “my chance to break away from my quirky childhood and finally become ‘cool’”, has seen her travel the world working for global women’s and streetwear brands, as well as quietly and humbly being responsible for collaborations with international superstars including Travis Scott and Kendall Jenner. But more than that, she’s an artist and a mother, dedicated to giving her children the freedom to gain their own sense of self.

“I was born and raised on a small farm in New Zealand with three brothers and my mum - who is an absolute powerhouse pocket rocket. She tried hard to raise us to think outside the box. When my parents split up, I remember her telling my Dad to take the TV so we would instead go outside and play. She encouraged us to create our own games and even had a strange aversion to buying me colouring in books as she felt it would stunt my creativity if I was restricted to ‘colour within the lines’.

Since becoming a mum, I’ve felt this massive magnetic pull back to New Zealand and desperately crave a slower and more balanced routine. We plan to move eventually as I want my son to grow up with the same understated  lifestyle that I did, as I realise now how critical it was for me to develop my sense of self and imagination.”

Meg, her partner Bobby and son Murphy, will make the move back to her homeland later this year, with their angel daughter and sister Sloane with them every step of the way. Here, Meg bravely and beautifully shares with us her story.

BC: Before your son Murphy, you experienced a miscarriage and in 2021, your precious daughter Sloane was devastatingly stillborn. I’m so sorry for your losses, Meg. How did each of these pregnancies feel for you?

MG: Each pregnancy brought me the same feeling - I can only describe it as beautiful stillness - where I feel like I'm doing exactly what I was intended to be on this earth for. However, each experience was obviously also vastly different. My miscarriage was heartbreaking because it was my first experience with being pregnant and I just didn't know how to handle it. I remember being in the hospital on a Sunday and then going to work on the Monday, pretending like everything was normal as I was too ashamed to tell anyone I had miscarried. I felt like I had failed. 

Then I got pregnant with my magnificent boy, Murphy and it was a really beautiful time. Bobby and I were so wonderfully naive about how much parenthood would change us. I look back on us now fondly as we were such different people to who we are now, we were beautiful young idiots. 

In January this year I became pregnant with our beautiful Sloane and I felt so incredibly connected to her very early on. It was so clear to me that she was going to be a girl and that I would call her Sloane. I had (and still have) such strong visions of us walking along a beach with her tucked up in the baby carrier on me. I just couldn’t wait to meet her, but at five months we went for our routine scan and our world stopped.

“I’ll never forget the moment the doctor turned to look at us and said: ‘We have a  problem.’ I was in complete denial, I couldn't think straight.”

It was like I struggled to connect my brain to my heart and in a haze, I remember going to the shops to buy her a tiny striped sweater and beanie because I just wouldn't accept that she wasn't going to be in our lives. After an excruciating month of tests and scans and what felt like utter torture - we lost our darling Sloane. I’ll never forget holding her, her beautiful button nose and the moment the midwife took her away.  

BC: What do you wish more people knew about baby loss?

MG: Acknowledgement is so crucial but is often not given as much as it could be. Baby loss is an uncomfortable topic for those who haven’t experienced it and I feel that people tend not to want to ask questions or even mention the baby as they don’t want to cause pain.

“ The reality is that the silence is more painful.”

If you know someone who has experienced a stillbirth, don’t be afraid to talk about their baby openly - it’s highly likely they are already thinking about them so asking them to share their story helps to acknowledge the massive trauma of losing a child.

It was so beautiful when a friend asked to see a photo of Sloane, it was such a crucial part of the grieving process.  In modern Western culture it’s a rite of passage that parents get to share photos of their healthy newborns to their friends and family and so why did I have to miss out on that just because my daughter didn't survive? I love it when anyone brings up Sloane's name in conversation because she will always be my first daughter and I could talk about her and my love for her endlessly.

Last but not least, never forget the dad. So much attention is placed on the mother as she physically carries the child but it's so important for the dad to feel acknowledged that he too has lost a child and his pain is very very real. 

BC: Tell us about your community. What has helped you through this experience the most?

MG: When you lose a child, you become part of an exclusive club that no one ever wants to sign up for. After I gave birth to Sloane I felt like an entirely different person. It’s like every cell in my body had been washed over with this new layer of pain and it would never leave me. I found connecting with people who had also experienced a stillbirth really helpful. I didn't have the energy for long phone calls or visits but sharing a short exchange of messages with someone who had been through the same was critical. I was strangely thankful for Instagram for allowing me to connect with this community but still allowing me the quiet space I needed.  

I also had the sad experience of asking my Dad and his partner Jane for advice throughout the darkest times in the hospital, as they had tragically lost three babies before. It was a phone call I’m sure my dad never wanted to have with his daughter, but it was this very bittersweet and beautiful circle of life because If I didn’t have them to talk to I would've been so lost. 

BC: What makes you feel the most connected to Sloane?

MG: It’s the moments where I get time to myself. Every time I go for a run I think of her alongside me - I imagine her teetering along as a toddler right next to me and that gives me the push I need to keep going. When I paint I imagine her scribbling away on some scrap paper next to me. It’s visualising the future I had for her that keeps me connected to her and as I write this, tears stream down my face knowing it won’t be the future I had hoped for. But the tears are also so, so welcome. When I have a good cry it brings me back to the last weeks I had with her still growing inside me so I find comfort in the pain also.

BC: What kind of role has therapy played in your life?

Throughout my twenties I used to see an esoteric healer which helped me to work through my cluttered mind and lack of confidence immensely. After I had Murphy, I craved quiet moments to myself and needed to find something that was ‘just for me’.

“I started painting again and it literally changed my life. It was the release I needed to calm my mind and also invigorate me at the same time. Sneaking away to my studio has become my daily form of therapy.”

Yes, it’s more time away from Bobby and Murphy but when I come back to them after a painting session I feel completely connected back to my true self and charged up meaning  I can give them all of my focus, energy and offer a very selfless type of love.  

BC: What has Sloane taught you about life and about love?

MG: That I can love so deeply and so large. Sloane has gifted me with this massive force of love that I feel lucky to carry with me everyday. When I had Murphy I didn’t think I could know love any bigger but I know now, even though Sloane isn’t with me I hold enough love for my two children each day as if she was.

Interview by Bonny Co. | Images Si Kirk | Connect meggallaghercreative